#12. As you pour their drinks, you will suggest they either tell you what they want or make something theirdamnselves.
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#8. My finger hurts. Don’t you want me to rest it so I don’t miss my soccer game tonight?
#4. If one more person comments on my breastfeeding I will cut a b...tch.
#17. Put them in charge of potty training two-year-old twins.
#8. It is possible to grow a coral reef of spit-out toothpaste on the faucet so thick you need a…
#12. Is this chocolate or poop? IS THIS CHOCOLATE OR POOP?
#8. Toddlers won’t eat BBQ sauce but they have no problem using it as finger paint to draw self-portraits on…
#11. LOL, “I wonder if she’ll like how I redecorated the family room.” I crack myself up.
#10. They smell of parental desperation and antsy children.
#9. Mulch will be put into tiny pockets and not found again until after those clothes have run through the…
