Whether it’s because you’ve not made it easy, he just wants to move on or for reasons unknown to you, it’s worth the effort to find out how to engage him.
Given the variety of reasons why he may not be participating in your chidren’s lives; including embarrassment around his financial situation, the potential ugliness of the circumstances surrounding the break up or simply his desire to start a new life, you may want to broach the subject delicately.
From personal experience, feedback from teachers, friends, and psychologist, I feel very confident that my children are benefiting from parents who have decided that while they cannot parent them together in the same physical location, they can still have the benefit of two active, present and participatory parents.That’s how we’ve decided to go the distance. Ours may be extreme to some. I recognize that it is a personal choice, however, our boys didn’t choose this life for themselves, we did. Therefore, we will make every effort to keep it as stable as possible. We live one town away from one another, have a set schedule, follow the same bedtime routine at each house, discuss discipline and other areas and attend many events, parent conferences and sporting events at the same time or together. I woud love to move to another state. It would be better for my business; however my commitment to my boys having both parents present keeps me here; unless my ex decides he is willing to go, here I will remain. This is not a judgment call if you’ve made different choices. I’m simply sharing my story in the event that it is helpful to someone on the fence.
Assuming your ex is not harmful to your children, and I don’t mean if you don’t care for his new wife or your ex mother-in-law, but truly harmful, then go the distance to engage him. Making it work could include visits, phone calls, letters or skype calls. You can create consistency, stability and a schedule they can depend on.
Go the distance for your children. It’s never too far.
