As a life-long lover of games like Scrabble, Monopoly, and Connect Four, I was super excited to have kids of my own to play with some day.
What the heck was I thinking?
Our game closet is filled to the brim with fodder for arguments, die-throwing, and back-aching hours-long journeys on colorful boards with confounding rules no one can agree on. The kids just want to win and I just want to entertain, but the hard reality is that both kids can’t win every time, and it’s not entertaining to have to threaten Time Outs when you’re supposed to be having fun as a family.
I SAID WE’RE HAVING FAMILY FUN TOGETHER, SO SMILE AND ROLL THE DICE, KID.
One afternoon, during yet another epic round of Sorry!, I tuned out the smack-talk between my progeny and began thinking of the games kids never complain about and, quite franky, always seem to win.
That was enough encouragement to let the game continue in silent resignation.
I’d much rather be comfortably seated at my kitchen table doing what I was, than witnessing my kids play the games they are really good at, like:
• Where, Exactly, Is Mom’s Last Nerve?
• All the Lights On All of the Time
• Are We There Yet? (Ad Nauseam)
• Only Sneeze Directly Into My Parent’s Mouth 7-10 Days Before They Have Really Fun Plans
• Do the Opposite of What I’m Asked to Do
• Throw the Ball Really Really Hard Directly at Mom’s Private Areas
• Create Impossible Shoelace Knots Yet Be Unable to Tie Shoes Properly
• Operation: Destroy My Bedroom in Under 30 Seconds
• Accidentally Give Mom a Black Eye by Hugging Her
• Loudly Ask Embarrassing Questions in Public
• Call for Mom the Second She Starts to Finally Sit Down
• Climb to the Highest Point but Be Too Scared to Climb Back Down
• Find the One Dangerous Item in This Room to Put in My Mouth
• Put the Most Important Thing Mommy Needs Today in the Garbage Can
• Pictionary: Poop on the Wall by the Crib Edition
At least when we’re done playing Sorry! I don’t have to apologize to strangers or don rubber gloves and bleach.
Usually.
Graphic: Kim Bongiorno
