I was more than a little bummed when I found out my first child was due less than a month after Halloween last year. I love the holiday, and I’d always envisioned that one day I’d put a newborn in a peapod, lamb, pumpkin, or some other ridiculously cute getup while they were small enough to just lie there and let me take pictures. After all, it’s only a matter of time before they’re making their own decisions. This year my daughter will be nearing her first birthday, and I can’t wait to put her in a costume based on a classic storybook character — sure, she’ll be fulfilling my agenda, because that’s what babies do. But kid’s costumes can do that without crossing the line, no?
Is it me, or are there way too many inappropriate costumes out there for kids these days? By my definition, “inappropriate” would be anything that exposes children to, or exploits them by having them act out, concepts that should be in an adults-only realm of understanding. We’re talking sex, drugs, and news items that are just too much for little kids. And then there’s the dilemma with ‘tweens and teens, who may think they’re old enough to dress “sexy,” but as parents we have to know where to draw the line.
Maybe I’m just old fashioned, but sometimes I feel like Halloween has turned into some sort of trampy, overtly violent, exploitive horror show. I get that it’s always been about ghosts and ghouls, and the college kids like to wear next to nothing (Hey, I did that myself in college). But these past couple years, I’ve scrolled down my social media feeds and been pretty put-off by a lot of what I’ve seen. Let’s allow our kids to be kids, no? They can be sexy, dangerously edgy, or super-cheeky about illicit behavior when they’re older. Here are the cringe-worthy children’s costumes I seriously hope I don’t see this year.
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25 Inappropriate Halloween Costumes for Kids
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Hooter's Waitress
The pageant mom behind this four-year-old's Hooters outfit last year reportedly put it on her so she'd "stand out" from the competition. Although the girl is covered in the middle, to me the biggest problem with the costume (okay, aside from the ridiculously short shorts) is what it suggests. An outfit that's worn by adults to be sexy, shouldn't be worn by kids period. No?
Photo: The Daily Mail
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A Marijuana Leaf
The same fine folks who bring us the baby cigarette proudly boast this cheeky costume -- dress your older kid up as a brownie and ensure that no one will ever ask you to volunteer as a chaperone on class trips again.
Photo: Brands on Sale
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Shark & Bethany Hamilton
The shark's adorable, but let's not mock a tragedy in which a young girl lost her arm. Bethany Hamilton might be all grown up and have this behind her, but when it comes to real-life shark attacks, I'll go ahead and classify this one as eternally "too soon."
Photo: Laventanadeljucio.com
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Gruesome Chest-Burster from Alien
A sense of humor goes a long way when you have kids, but isn't this a wee bit over-the-top for such a young baby? It's just... unsettling.
Photo: FlavorWire
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Terrorist
Not only is terrorism a pretty crappy thing to joke about, it's scary for kids and the topic should be handled tenderly. Also, that devious expression and the thumb on the bomb trigger? Totally not okay on any level.
Photo: Just Something
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Flesh-Eating Zombie Toddler
Okay, okay, even this curmudgeon laughed a little. But do we really need the eating of bloody body parts?
Photo: Tumblr
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Condom
The biggest problem with this is that you have to explain to him what it is. I'm just thinking 5 or 6 is a wee young for that, but maybe I'll change my tune when my daughter's school-aged and starts asking questions.
Photo: Teamjimmyjoe.com
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Walter White & Jesse Pinkman of Breaking Bad
These two are absolutely beyond adorable, but everything about this, down to the rock candy, is just wrong. Again, I'm all for having a little fun, but when we're talking about illicit drugs, haven't we gone too far?
Photo: SF Weekly
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Hannibal Lecter from The Silence of the Lambs
He's so cute, but wouldn't he enjoy the festivities if he weren't strapped to a board? I'm not into this one at all -- too violent, and not at all conducive to the kid enjoying Halloween. He can't even walk!
Photo: Imgur
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Angry Nurse
This is borderline sexy but it's also gross. Halloween has a serious gore factor, but on a nurse costume that's targeted for little girls aged 7 and under, the blood splatter (especially as styled, around the mouth) is overkill.
Photo: Amazon
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This Particular Mr. T
Mr. T is an adorable idea for tike's Halloween costume, but anything that includes or encourages blackface is just wrong.
Photo: Iruntheinternet.com
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Baby Cigarette
Not sure this one even needs a caption, but here goes: W.T.F.
Photo: Brands on Sale
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A Bad Mermaid
There's no denying this little girl is adorable, and mermaids are just the best. But what's with the padded bra and booty-fitted tail? Mama's not feeling it. Not at all.
Photo: Etsy
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Infant Pimp
I'm not denying that the kid looks cute, but to me, dressing a toddler up as anything related to the exploitative, illegal world of prostitution is just wrong. Not to mention that pimps are misogynists by design, something we probably shouldn't be modeling for our boys.
Photo: Amazon
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Locked-N-Loaded Cop
Say what? This might be for teens, not young kids, but "under my roof," it's not happening. The whole thing is overtly sexy, from the innuendo in the title to the fishnets. You can pop "teen" in front of the word "girls," but this is a children's costume, and it's not okay.
Photo: Target
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Don Draper from
The kid couldn't be cuter, and I guess he doesn't need to know the backstory. But can we please keep crystal tumblers of alcohol out of our preschoolers' hands this year?
Photo: Imgur
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Bratz Cowgirl
I've always found the concept of these bratty dolls confusing, but this really solidifies my discomfort with them. Do we really need the bare midriff and miniskirt? Not cool, y'all.
Photo: Costume Craze
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Sexy Cat
I'm at a loss here. Who on earth would think that this leopard-print ensemble was ready for anything but a bar crawl? Nope, totally a kids' costume.
Photo: BandofCats.com
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Gangster Child
The suit is cute, but I would love to do without the theme itself, and the handgun. Either this kid knows way too much about organized crime, or he's being dressed by his parents to satisfy some skewed attempt at humor.
Photo: HalloweenCostumes.com
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Major Flirt
The choker, the hemline, the racy boots...and all under the theme of our U.S. Military! I actually want to drive to the home of the person who conceived of this costume and administer a proper bonk on the head.
Photo: Amazon
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Naughty Angel
The model might be a little older, but this one is for teens and 'tweens. The word "naughty" is clearly used in a sexual context, and her ripped-up, cropped-top ensemble is 100% inappropriate for anyone under the age of 18.
Photo: Costume Cauldron
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Prison Princess
The pink-and-black stripes are okay, and I'm not entirely opposed to a prison theme. But what's with the handcuffs? It doesn't help that the site's item description opens with, "This prisoner has got to look good even though she's locked behind bars." Really, people?
Photo: HalloweenCostumes.com
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Sexy Scarecrow
Why is this even a thing? I'm all about female empowerment and owning our hemlines, but come on. If the girl can't reach over to take candy from someone's hand without exposing her undies, it's just too short. Way to ruin The Wizard of Oz for this new mama!
Photo: Party City
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School Girl Fantasy
Think about the whole school girl fantasy thing for a second, and exactly what it stands for. Then put your 'tween daughter in it? The hemline and the pose are almost as offensive as the concept.
Photo: Jet
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Toddler Catwoman with a Whip
We'll go ahead and round this list out with a two-year-old in ripped stockings with a whip. Yep, Mama's ready for a cocktail now.
Photo: Stellaween
