If you’re a mom, you’re probably quite fond of your kids (most of the time, anyway) and therefore cannot resist sharing photos of them on Facebook. It’s the perfect place to keep your friends and family updated on what’s going on with your adorable brood, and Mark Zuckerberg made it so easy to “Like” the pictures and comment on how wonderful they are that even your aunts can do it! Hooray! Instant gratification!
The other nice aspect of it is how convenient you make it for swarms of people to harshly judge each and every one of those pictures. Oh—did you not realize that you’re doing both parenting and Facebook wrong? My bad. I thought you knew this already. It might take a village to raise a child, but that village is filled with passive-aggressive trolls who love to get offended at other peoples’ decisions in life, no matter how big or small they may be. Here are some of the photos you might share on Facebook, and exactly what the naysayers want to tell you is simply terrible about them (and you):
1. The photo: You in pregnant front-and-side belly selfies each month to show progression.
The as*hole on social media: “Nobody wants to see your stretched-out stomach, honey. Or your pajamas. That’s gross.”
2. The photo: You dressed up for a formal pregnancy photo shoot.
The as*hole on social media: “Who do you think you are, throwing money away on fancy clothes you’ll never wear again for pictures that probably cost a fortune? The queen?”
3. The photo: You looking nice after delivering a baby.
The as*hole on social media: “B*tch.”
4. The photo: You looking messy after delivering a baby.
The as*hole on social media: “Wow. Someone forgot to pack a hairbrush, AM I RIGHT?”
5. The photo: You breastfeeding your baby.
The as*hole on social media: “I bet you do that just to get attention.”
6. The photo: You bottle feeding your baby.
The as*hole on social media: “If you really cared about the health of your baby, you’d throw away that poison and breastfeed, instead.”
7. The photo: Your spouse playing with the baby while you’re out getting a massage.
The as*hole on social media: “Why is he babysitting? Doesn’t he work hard enough all day?”
8. The photo: You at home with the baby while your spouse is out getting a massage.
The as*hole on social media: “I’m not saying this is the first sign of divorce, I’m just saying that it seems to me that you’re spending a lot of time apart these days.”
9. The photo: You looking back to pre-pregnancy shape a month after having a baby.
The as*hole on social media: “B*tch.”
10. The photo: You looking still-pregnant a month after having a baby.
The as*hole on social media: “You should try this fast I did last January. It could really help with that.”
11. The photo: You with your kid at his first birthday that says, “One and done!”
The as*hole on social media: “Ugh. So selfish! When you and your husband die, you’ll be leaving him all alone!”
12. The photo: You with your kid at his first birthday that says, “He’s going to be a big brother!”
The as*hole on social media: “It was an accident, wasn’t it? You can tell me. It’ll be our little secret.”
Now, if you’re worried about what to post next? Don’t be. If parenthood teaches you anything, it should be that you can’t please everyone all the time, and that’s okay. In other words: Don’t bother giving a crap about people who want to give you crap. You have kids now: You’ve got enough crap to deal with. Literally.
More Social Media Truths:
- 7 Horribly Inappropriate Things Parents Share on Facebook
- I’m Not Sorry for Posting Pics of My Kid on Social Media
- ‘Social Media Made My Pregnancy Announcement a Nightmare’
