Dear Mama:
I know there are moments when you can’t get enough of your kids. You want to freeze a moment in time and gobble them up. You can’t get enough.
I know you have days when you feel like everyone is just taking, and taking some more, but it doesn’t matter; you are able to keep up and don’t feel yourself bottoming out. You have so much to give, but you don’t always operate this way and it makes you question yourself on those bad days
And I know about the bad days; the worst days, when you aren’t able to give because you have nothing left. You aren’t able to put into words what you need. You aren’t able to pull yourself out of the deep, dark place and it can be scary. And this is what you need to remember:
Remember who you were when you were 14 and when you were 17. Don’t forget about the girl who became a woman, who then became a mom. Remember your journey — all of it. Think about the times you survived tough situations and how every single struggle has made you stronger.
Remember to forgive yourself for being drained, for being overwhelmed, for feeling like you need help.
Remember you are not a machine, you are human. Schedule some time for yourself, ask of help. I know it’s hard to put yourself first every once in a while, but remember if you don’t, you won’t be able to give to anyone else. Self-care is not selfish.
Remember you are always enough, even when you feel like you are drowning or have made an epic mistake. You were not put on this earth to be perfect; the rules don’t change because you are now a mom. You are still allowed to be a mess sometimes.
Remember the very fact that you are feeling unsure about your choices makes you an amazing mother, just as the moments you are completely confident about what you are doing and refuse to budge on something you believe in makes you an amazing mother. You are strong and capable.
Remember to go with your gut because you know your family, yourself, and your situation better than anyone, and that is enough.
Remember it is normal to need a break, to lose it, to want to grab the car keys and put your foot on the gas petal. It doesn’t mean you are unfit, it means you are overdue for some self-love.
Remember being a mother will intensify your emotions. It makes your bad days better, your good days better, your struggles feel heavier, and your anxiety reach a new level. See, you are doing one of the most rewarding, trying things a person can do; you are raising wonderful human beings and a lot of chaos comes with the job.
More than anything, remember you are not alone and it’s going to be okay. You are a messy mom, a mom who is doing a damn good job, a mom who will put her family before herself time and time again — you are all of it.
It’s fine to not enjoy every moment; you aren’t supposed to. It will be okay if you screw up — and, yes, you are going to screw up. Let yourself off the hook, you’ve got this. You are doing a great job, and the kids are going to be just fine.
Sincerely,
A fellow mom who has been there. Many times over.
