25 Things My Three-Year-Old Will Actually Eat

March 13, 2019

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If you have young children, you quickly realize that your little angels are finicky bastards when it comes to food, especially during the toddler years. While you try your damndest to pack them full of vitamins and nutrients, they’re busy trying to squirrel away poison and other inedibles in their chubby cheeks. Here’s a rundown of things my three-year-old will currently ingest at his own will.

25 Things My Three-Year-Old Will Actually Eat:

Boogers.
The middle part of a chicken nugget.
Single bites out of every apple in the fruit bowl.
Anything I’m eating.
Nerf Darts.
Slime.
Foam inserts from a sports bra.
Any food I deem a snack.
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich without crusts.
Bananas.
Wrapped feminine hygiene products.
Tide Pods.
Loose change.
Keys.
Play-Doh.
Makeup.
Dirt.
Pancakes.
Bacon.
Glow-stick.
Dog food.
String cheese.
Deodorant.
Ice cream.
Candy or anything that looks like candy.

Photo: Getty

Amy grew up in the suburbs of Long Island singing Barbara Streisand hits into her hairbrush. When she’s not writing her hilarity fueled parenting memoir as The Outnumbered Mother, she’s a Florida living, butt wiping, soccer team carting, gourmet chef attempting, tennis skirt wearing, non-tennis playing, self-proclaimed bad mamma jamma to 3 sons and a very understanding husband. You can find her talking about booze and diaper blowouts on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.