Losing a pregnancy or an infant is extremely devastating for every parent. However, it’s usually the mother who is most affected by the loss because she got to carry the little one in her womb and has already formed a bond with her bundle of joy. After tending to her body for so long as she would tend to her child, when everything is over all of a sudden, it leaves an empty void in her heart. Even if the new mama was fortunate enough to hold her kiddo, it doesn’t make the pain of losing her infant any easier. In these situations, it is the responsibility of their partner to do their best to help their spouse cope with the pregnancy or infant loss. As Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day recently passed, here are some effective ways to help your partner get through the difficult time.
Give your partner time to grieve to cope with pregnancy or infant loss
There is no doubt that you are in the same boat as your partner. After all, the pregnancy or infant loss must have shocked both of you, leaving a massive void in your life. However, as a loving partner, it only makes sense to do our best to ease the pain for our partners. The same mama who used to sing lullabies to your child is now on the verge of tears due to the loss.
Hence, it is extremely important to give your partner time to grieve to come to terms with the passing. Take time off from work, be by the side of each other, talk about the loss of your baby, listen to each other, delegate household chores to other family members, and do everything possible to let your partner deal with their emotions without any added stress. You too should make sure to take this time to grieve because bottling up pain does more harm than good.
Take a break with your partner to cope with pregnancy or infant loss
While a break can mean different things to different people, you will need some time off from everyday life to cope with this pain. Plan a short trip to a pleasant place to help your partner cope with the pregnancy or infant loss. This might not be everyone’s cup of tea but a change of place tends to help people come to terms with a loved one’s passing more effectively. Not having to worry about household chores, office work, or older kids helps one positively deal with negative emotions.
So, plan a short trip for a few days to a quiet place with loads of greenery surrounding your place of stay to help your partner heal emotionally. Nature has a healing effect, so let it do its magic as you and your partner take time to cope with the loss of your precious baby. Coming back home might trigger the pain all over again, but this time, your partner will be stronger than before to deal with healthily.
Ask family and friends to spend time with your partner
As much as your partner needs you, they also need their loved ones around. Hence, asking their family and friends to visit or video call once a day to talk to them or just lend a shoulder to cry, will help your partner cope with the pregnancy or infant loss.
Their support could be especially helpful if that family member or friend had a similar experience. Having a heart-to-heart conversation with them will make your partner feel better emotionally. Moreover, friends and family can provide much-needed extra support or motivation to move around or step out of the house, which is key to mental wellness.
Be mindful of your words around your partner while they are struggling to cope with the loss
Helping your partner cope with pregnancy or infant loss is not easy. Depending on their state of mind, their grieving process can continue for months, which can sometimes burden you. However, under no circumstance should you utter hurtful words while they are still grieving. Venting out your anger or frustration on your partner at a difficult time will make the situation worse and might affect your relationship too.
So, refrain from saying things like, “You are taking too long to come to terms with the loss,” “Your grieving is affecting the family,” “We can have more children,” or “We are still young, we can try again.” If you are mentally exhausted (which is absolutely valid) and have nothing good to say, at least don’t say something hurtful to your partner.
Lastly, do not hesitate to consult a healthcare professional if you feel your efforts are bearing no results. Even joining a support group with your partner can help them cope with pregnancy and infant loss. Always remember that healing will take time, so have patience and don’t give up on your better half while they are still reeling from the loss. With your constant support, your partner will surely turn over a new leaf and overcome the darkness.
