Parenting a kid with birth defects is not only emotionally draining but also poses unique challenges that you probably didn’t prepare for when you were trying for pregnancy. Of course, you love your little one despite the birth anomalies. However, you and your partner might initially find it hard to accept the truth and face the situation. Moreover, it is especially tough for first-time parents. If your child has a birth defect, it’s essential to be a supportive partner. Various factors, like genetics, environmental factors, medications, nutritional deficiencies, advanced maternal age, or a combination of all are the leading causes of birth defects. That is why blaming yourself or your partner for the same is wrong. As it is National Birth Defects Prevention Month, here’s how you can truly support your partner if your child has a birth defect.
Let your partner acknowledge their emotions
You and your partner must have wished for a healthy baby but that unfortunately was not the case and that is alright. It is understandable if you and your partner are upset, shocked, or in a state of denial. This can be especially true for new moms, who might blame themselves for doing or not doing certain things that led to this situation. Hence, instead of simply asking your partner not to blame themselves, first, let them express their emotions.
Let them open up about their feelings, expectations, and fears without any judgment from your end. This will help your partner heal gradually and accept the fact that your child has some birth defects but you can navigate the same if you work together. Even talking to a counselor or fellow moms with similar experiences will encourage them to face the situation with a smile. The more you let your partner talk it out, the sooner they will heal and see things in a new light.
Discourage your partner from looking it up on the internet
It’s normal that once you and your partner get to know about your baby’s birth defects (whether it be during an ultrasound or after they gave birth), you both will go all out to gather all the information about the condition. Be it talking to the doctors, online community, or searching on the internet, you will leave no stone unturned to gain more knowledge about the same to make the best decisions for your little one.
While consulting with the doctors is the best thing you can do as parents and is highly recommended, refrain from looking things up online. It is a well-known fact that the internet is full of unnecessary information, especially when it comes to health-related topics. Moreover, you might assume the worst, considering you and your partner are likely anxious after learning about your baby’s condition.
As a supportive partner, the best thing you can do is discourage your partner from looking up things related to your child’s birth defect on the internet. This will only make them more tense. Instead, encourage them to talk to some doctors and clear all their doubts. This way, you both will be well-informed without the added stress of matching symptoms mentioned online with your baby’s.
Educate your family and friends about the birth defect
To avoid awkward situations and conversations, make sure you educate your near and dear ones about your child’s birth defect, especially if you rely on them to take care of your kids once in a while. Familiarize them with the condition, so they are completely aware of the same. This will also give them a heads-up and offer them some time to wrap their heads around the situation, ensuring they have processed all the information to avoid saying something uncalled for in front of your partner. This is also necessary if you are planning to hire a caregiver or nanny. You must ensure they are well-informed and prepared to look after your baby’s special needs.
Celebrate your child and their birth defects
Your child’s birth defect should not stop you from loving and supporting them. It is no one’s fault, especially not your baby’s. So, stop playing the blame game and embrace the unique qualities of your little one. It is surely easier said than done and it will be challenging. But the sooner you accept their uniqueness, the happier your munchkin will feel around you and your partner.
So, instead of panicking and stressing about the defect all the time, shower all your love on your little one. Encourage your partner to do the same and advise them to maintain a positive mindset. This might take some time. However, with your support and motivation, your partner will surely get the strength to face it with a smile.
These are only a few little tips to support your partner if you discover your child has a birth defect. However, you need to prepare yourself financially as well to meet your baby’s medical needs. This will ensure they stay safe and healthy and are given medical attention promptly as and when needed.
