When we had our first child, we got pregnant so quickly and easily. It never even occurred to me that we’d have trouble getting pregnant again. But after many months of trying to conceive a second child, I’ve gotten negative results on many, many pregnancy tests, and we are growing more and more discouraged and disappointed.
The same questions keep running through my mind: Why was it so easy the first time? What has changed that is preventing us from getting pregnant this time around?
Of course it’s both painful and kind of pointless to worry like this; it’s all out of my control. It could be anything. Maybe it was a fluke that we were able to get pregnant so quickly the first time. Or maybe it’s something else. Bodies change. It could be my body, or it could be my husband’s. Assuming there are any issues at all, If we want to get to the bottom of the questions and concerns we have then the next step is to see our doctor and undergo some tests.
Since we have only been trying for nearly six months, our doctor has urged us to continue trying and not worry about tests or issues. He has left it up to us of course, but he thinks we shouldn’t worry about any problems or issues for at least 10 months of consistent trying. And so we continue trying and hoping that we will get pregnant and won’t need to have any tests done.
We are trying to put any concerns and worries in the back of our minds, but it’s hard. Every time we discover that no, I am not pregnant, my heart sinks into my stomach and the tears well up in my eyes. I am definitely a glass half full kind of person, but it’s hard to continue to be optimistic. When you want something so badly and continue to fail and there is nothing you can do to change the results.
The only thing that keeps me from getting too discouraged is what I already have — a bright, beautiful, amazing little boy and a loving and patient husband. So when I am feeling disappointed or discouraged, I go to them.
Dealing with disappointment is never easy. I have dealt with it in other areas of my life many times, but dealing with not yet being pregnant has by far been the hardest. Even with support from loved ones, it doesn’t change the facts. For now I am dealing with it one day and one negative pregnancy test at a time. I wish there was a super high and positive note to end a post like this on, but the only thing that helps when it comes down to it is hope and appreciation for the loved ones I have already, and to keep trying!
