Welcome to Pregnancy Without a Filter, my weekly series in which I chronicle my life as a first-time mom-to-be. Read along for insights, outbursts, ups, downs, and the real deal about the crazy adventure of making a person.
Week 19
As word spreads about the little one hanging out in my stomach (or as it just becomes more obvious that I’m expecting), I’m starting to get more questions. These days, when I tell someone how far along I am, the usual follow up question is a very excited, “And are you starting to feel the kicks?!” And so far my response has had to be a very bashful, “Well…maybe?”
I guess I always figured that when you’re carrying a baby and it kicks, you’re gonna know it for sure. Like, it would be a new sensation that was completely different from every other (crazy and extremely layered) sensation that’s going on in your pregnant body. And you would just magically exclaim one day, “Hey, the baby is kicking!” And that would be that. You know, the whole husband-puts-his-hand-on-your-stomach routine while you gaze lovingly down at your cute little tummy and the kid inexplicably moves at just the right time and you just know. Like that.
And that, friends, is not what is happening to me. What’s happening to me is more like, “Is that it? Or was that just bubbles? Or did I just feel something? Or maybe I moved the wrong way and something just stretched. That could have been it. But also maybe not.” So you can see my confusion. There are so many new sensations that I’m having trouble pinpointing what I’m actually feeling. Maybe that baby is moving around and maybe it’s just lying there like it’s on a beach vacation, but either way I have no idea.
Truthfully, it makes me feel a little embarrassed and silly to admit. Even though I do hear that it’s often tricky for first time moms to identify the feeling, I keep wishing there was a moment that would come along to make me sure. And maybe it’s totally unimportant; I’m sure I’ll be able to feel those little flutters soon enough. But when you’re bombarded with folks telling you about how they first felt kicks at 15 or 16 weeks, it’s hard not to feel a little behind (and/or jealous).
So mamas, tell me what it feels like! Or if there was a particular moment when you were finally sure that you felt those first flutters. I’d love to know what it was like for you!
